Jul 24th 2008 07:06 am Can it?
Kids really don’t “date” much anymore, do they? I mean, the ritual date: boy picks up phone and invites girl out, boy picks up girl at her door, boy picks up tab for dinner and/or movie, boy drops off girl at her door, usually at midnight or sooner. Even the dinosaurs among us sense that model of behavior has been off the shelf for years. Or has it? You probably would be surprised how out-of-touch I can be. I hope you’d be surprised.
Posted by jimmyjohnson / Vintage A&J
22 Responses to “Can it?”
John in NY on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:33 am #
Nah Jimmy. Even when I was in high school no one went on dates. They may have been “dating” which would equate to “going steady” but we never dated. It usually evolved the same way Gene’s is in these retro-strips (RSs). You meet a girl, hang out as friends and get to know her and then next thing you know hormones are everywhere. I think going on dates would have been much less complicated.
Although for someone who says he’s unfamiliar writes the perfect scenario. Except the part where Janis let’s Gene and “that woman” be alone in his room.
Pudge on 24 Jul 2008 at 7:39 am #
The ritualized date does still happen, though I don’t know about being in before midnight. The big difference is that adolescent males and females spend much more time hanging out with each other in general than they did in days gone by. Consequently, ritualized dating is an activity less set apart from the normal course of events than it used to be, for which reason if you don’t look closely enough you might miss it.
Phil in Sugar Land, TX on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:09 am #
My kids dated very little while they were at home (about 15 years ago) and that was before the age of texting. The boys in particular went to great lengths to keep their mother in the dark about their social lives.
My only reference these days is the neighbor’s girl who is a senior. There are more kids in and out and cars on the street than you can shake a stick at. They tend to do things as a group rather than a one-on-one deal. “Going steady” may be a phrase that has dropped out of common usage.
maggie on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:18 am #
Hey, who are you calling a dinosaur? (snicker) I resemble that remark!!……uh….kids really don’t date anymore?? I honestly had no idea, but come to think of it, I don’t know that my kids actually dated in the traditional sense of the word. I didn’t see it as a society shift, but rather that they were just basically like their birthdad (my ex) and weren’t about to spend any money they had on someone else.
Randy in Irving, Tx on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:39 am #
Totally agree with your train of thought regarding today’s dating practices (reflected in your retro strip). In today’s dating arena most of us “fossils” would find ourselves in a mildly-familiar, but still vastly-foreign land. (I pray I never have to attempt survival in it.)
As for today’s strip: a bit morbid, but this is easily overcome with the hilarity of Arlo’s keen insight. LMAO!
Great stuff, JJ!!
Alex on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:39 am #
Not in quite some time. Barely when I was in high school 20 years ago, and not really now, either. Instead, they hang out. By the time they are going out alone together, they are much further along.
My guess is that this come from more separate of the sexes back in the day. Now, because boys and girls hang out together as a group, it’s not unusual to have plenty of time to get to know him/her in a group setting. And you can do things with him/her (movies, eat, hang out) while amidst a larger group.
Of course, parents refuse to accept this, so if a guy is picking up a girl to take her somewhere, they treat it like a an old-fashioned date.
Joyce from Indy on 24 Jul 2008 at 8:41 am #
Home by midnight? Now many of them don’t even get started until 10pm and that’s considered early. No wonder they all sleep till noon. Curmudgeon, that’s me. Okay, I know the studies all say that teenagers are on a different diurnal clock than the rest of civilization and they will adapt as they get older but it’s disconcerting to meet them going home as I’m going to work. Many of our early classes here at the university are filled by students who are taking them at the end of their day and then go home and go to bed for a little bit of sleep (if they haven’t slept through the class, that is). Grump, grump, grump…oh it’s just that it’s a beautiful day here and I’m stuck at work.
Greg from Robertsdale on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:04 am #
Okay, call me a prude, but yes, I think it has changed quite a bit, and not for the better. (Okay, not in a blanket statement. There are exceptions of course.) The “old way” had a formalism to it that bespoke of respect. Both for the girl and the girl’s family. There was no date if her dad didn’t give the nod, AND for the most part, the decision was respected. Chivalry and decorum taught boys to respect girls long before it became a popular song, and treat them as the special creatures God created them. Not to mention that if a girl is worth “winning over” she better not be attracted to you because your britches are hanging half off your butt, or she isn’t worth winning.
I remember girls being thought of as the civilizing force in the world. That without their influence, we’d all devolve into Cretons. They’ve lowered their standards some, and we’re the worse for it.
On a positive note, we raised some pretty prudish kids in this country that will hopefully counterbalance the “others.”
Don from Minnesota on 24 Jul 2008 at 10:23 am #
Your comment about how out of touch you can be is not far from reality for those of us “our” age. I remember have a captive audience (meaning my daughters in the car for about an hour) when they were “dating” age and they do not use the words dating or even the concept. They kept saying “seeing each other” and “hanging out”. I tried my best as a father of three daughters to get the concept but we were as far apart as we have ever been in the generational communication gap as we have ever been on this subject. I still don’t know why this “dating comcept” changed so drasticallyor even how it did…I just know I still don’t comprehend their view of “dating”. Could it be that the divorce ratio in America today has it roots in the loss of what our concept of dating should be? Too much thinking for the morning isn’t it? Just enjoy the cartoon Don (and I do)! thanks Jimmy and stay healthly.
Ted in Fort Lauderdale on 24 Jul 2008 at 10:29 am #
Judging from mine, no they don’t. They indeed “hang out” a lot, often in a group. Also, the “midnight” seems (at least over the summer) to have extended to 2 or 3 AM, though I’m not sure if any of the girls are still part of the group by that time. Of course, mine are on the phone (or even more commonly) texting girls even later than that, but I don’t think that counts as a date either
…
What other things go on, I don’t know (and am not sure I really want to)…
Ron in Provo on 24 Jul 2008 at 11:26 am #
How much the world has changed depends on where in the world you live and just how closely you’ve been observing it. In many small towns, things still change at a slower pace. In areas where folks have lived by the principles they claim to honor, change has been reduced to a crawl, considered, and embraced only when it fits those principles.
Change, for change’s sake, is illogical, dishonest, and dangerous.
Scott- Bagpiper on 24 Jul 2008 at 1:15 pm #
Just an FYI. Tony Bourdain is back on (new episodes)!!!! Last night was Saudi Arabia…..very different. I missed the Machu Pichu last week, and next up is Uruguay (carnivores should love this one).
Scott
Nashvile
Tom in Alaska on 24 Jul 2008 at 3:59 pm #
My 14-year-old daughter will often speak of how she and the other girls in her school are “dating” this boy or that boy. I’ve kept a pretty good eye on my daughter, and am pretty sure that she is not “going out” as I used to know it. It turns out that at her school, “dating” is when the kids see their significant other during the few minutes of class breaks. If that is the case, I guess I did a lot more dating in high school than I thought.
Mary in Ohio on 24 Jul 2008 at 4:19 pm #
Today’s new cartoon is very funny, and, once you think about it, very realistic. My grandmother had congestive heart failure, and she would occasionally doze off in her chair with her eyes open. My Mom & my aunts have all recounted their reactions. Funny. Sort of. Afterwards.
Unfortunately, I have more experience in this realm than in having a son starting to entertain women in the house.
Bill Bickel on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:04 pm #
What I’m seeing from my teenager is what you might call “hybrid” behavior: He’s rarely without a girlfriend and they go on traditional dates (differing slightly from the scenario you outline because he doesn’t have his driver’s license yet), but he also has a ton of “gal-friends,” with whom he hangs out at the mall or goes out to eat or listens to music in his room pretty much the way Gene and Sondra did.
Hurd (Mobile, Al) on 24 Jul 2008 at 6:11 pm #
I work with kids that are at that age during the school year. It has changed a lot but there is a trace of the old school dating. One thing that I find really scary is that kids will become “engaged” during their 9th grade year. It usually does not last very long but it is an escalation that was unheard of back in my day. Also quick marriages right out of high school seem to be on the upswing. I tell all of my kids that before marriage is even considered they need to get out and live on their own to find out who they are.
times are different though.
Karen in Madison on 24 Jul 2008 at 9:39 pm #
I’m not sure what the norm is among all 18 – 25 year olds, but our offspring in that age range sure don’t follow the same kind of dating pattern that we did several many decades ago. It seems to be much less ritualized, much more spontaneous, and at least from the vantage point of a 50-something fuddy-duddy, pretty terrifying in its randomness. It’s scary enough trying to test-drive a possible relationship with a fairly clear roadmap of how to get from Point A to Point B, but I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to dive into the dating scene today, if I were suddenly single again.
Ken from Framingham (Boston Globe reader) on 25 Jul 2008 at 6:33 am #
OK, when I didn’t hear back from you, I decided to risk a vacation in Seattle anyway, without knowing if the city had a newspaper that carried A&J. Well, I am happy to report that the Seattle Times does carry the strip! So it all ended up OK. The Red Sox won, too.
Greg from Robertsdale on 25 Jul 2008 at 5:49 pm #
Ron in Provo, you sound like you might be referencing a certain presidential candidate. Not to take the discussion any further and ruin a good blog atmosphere, but just had to say it.
Jim in SE Mississippi on 25 Jul 2008 at 6:06 pm #
From observing my godson (14 going on 28), it’s definitely “hanging out” at that age. Of course, he has the best of both worlds…he lives in a condo on the Gulf Coast. There are the local girls during the off-season and a brand-new crop of out-of-town honeys arriving every week during the summer. And he probably thinks he’s deprived.
Jean from Dahlonega GA on 25 Jul 2008 at 7:05 pm #
Greg from Robertsdale, I agree with you, we shouldn’t ruin a good blog with politics, but Ron in Provo does speak the truth.
Now on to the subject at hand. I went to a small rural high school, and the kids there Dated. (I was never asked out because I was taller than the captain of the football team.) When I got to college (still small, but a bit more free-thinking) we tended to go around in groups. The dynamics changed from time to time, and some days there were more girls and others more boys. Every once in a while a couple would pair off for a few weeks, then rejoin the larger group.
Since our kids were home schooled the dating pool was small, and since there were more girls than boys in our neighborhood, our daughters didn’t date. They both chose a women’s college, but managed to find available men in their chosen town. My younger daughter got married last fall. My older daughter says she works too much to look for a boy friend.
Genevieve on 27 Jul 2008 at 10:58 am #
I have a brother who just turned 17 and he has a girlfriend. (My Mother told me that she is the sister of his best friend, which must make for an interesting situation) While initially they just “hung out”, they do go out to the movies or just hang out with each other. The fascinating thing is that she insisted that he introduce her to our Mom. He did it. In fact he introduced her to the entire family at his birthday dinner that I hosted. Now there, is a brave girl. She was willing to face all of his siblings, an inlaw and a nephew; as well as the Mother. We think she is lovely and in some ways good for him.
When I was in high school there was some dating but a lot of it was people getting to know each other in a group setting -which if you think about it is much more traditional. The idea of a girl and guy going out by themselves is a fairly recent notion born mostly in the 20th century. Over the last year I have been reading a great number of books written in the 18th and 19th century and repeatedly how single men and women got to know one another was through the group setting. Essentially they were all, “Hanging out”.