Mar 18th 2013 07:28 am Understand This


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I had occasion to call customer support for my Web host recently. When the young man began his patter, his “script” if you will, I would have sworn I was talking with someone in the midwest. However, as we got down to the specifics of my call, away from the script, it became apparent I was not talking to someone from the midwest after all. Not the midwestern United States, anyway. Like most people, I equate such calls just above a trip to the dentist on the “list of things I enjoy.” I have an extroverted friend, however, who loves to get on the phone with a live support person. He yocks it up with them and asks them all kinds of personal questions and probably plays havoc with their time-per-call stats, but he gets good service. They seem to appreciate being treated like human beings. I’m trying to learn from his example. It’s hard.

Posted by jimmyjohnson / Vintage A&J

31 Responses to “Understand This”

  1. Ghost Rider 6 on 18 Mar 2013 at 7:53 am #

    I use Jimmy’s friend’s technique. Especially when the reps are female.

    No, actually, as one whose job once involved handling customer complaints, I understand they have a tough row to hoe. (I mean, if you were perfectly happy, you wouldn’t be calling them, would you?) That gets reflected in how I treat them.

    To me, a perfect call ends with my problem being resolved and with me feeling that I was the highlight of the rep’s day.

    Let’s call my friend “Dennis,” since that’s his name. Dennis has a lot of mostly self-taught knowledge about computers. Beyond the fact he’s a naturally gregarious person, to put it mildly, I’m sure his attitude toward support people is influenced greatly by the fact he’s done some of that work himself. He was on hold to tech support one day, trying to help me with an issue, and I asked him if particularly abusive callers get a note on their file. “Oh, yeh,” he told me.

  2. Mindy from Indy on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:00 am #

    I never would have guessed you’d flirt with the ladies, Ghost. ;-) I try to make sure everyone I interact with leaves feeling better than when they walked in. Doesn’t always work, but I believe I’ve about a 80% success rate.

  3. Burns on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:13 am #

    I’ve had to good fortune (and yes I do call it that) to visit India a number of times for work, but this technique works even if you have not been there. When talking to a service person from India, during delays (the system is rebooting or whatever) I ask where he is from. They don’t generally evade that question. I’ll try to relate some personal anecdote (oh, I’ve visited Pune; I was really touched by seeing Ghandi-ji’s tomb). Almost always they respond favorably and I get a much better response. Plus it is fun and I generally learn something interesting outside of the reason I called in the first place.

    I’ve also done it with other places where I have not been; “I’m from Grenada”. “Oh, it must be pretty warm there now…it is about 0C here.” Etc. End up getting invited to come down and take advantage of their beautiful beaches.

  4. Mindy on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:24 am #

    “Highlight of the rep’s day,” huh? Why do I think that would go down in history as a truly lousy day? I mean an absolutely [deleted] day.

    Be that as it may, the last time we had to deal with customer service, John handed the phone to be and begged me to do the talking. His ears have been somewhat traumatized by gunfire and an occasional fist, so his hearing is diminished, and when he deals with a foreign accent, particularly a female’s, he gets lost. Being the loving spouse that I are, I took the call, used Ghost’s and Burns’ technique, and chatted the young lady up [I do think it would have truly made her day in several areas had it not been for a minor interruption]. First I heard what sounded like non-American sirens. Then I heard yelling and what sounded like feet pounding on a wooden stairway. Then I heard what sounded like a door being kicked in. Then I heard male voices speaking a foreign language shouting what I think would have translated into, “Drop the gun, [deleted]head or I’ll blow your [deleted] head off!” And then there was gunfire, about twenty rounds. I hesitated a moment or two and then asked, quietly, “Was that your television or a movie?” The young woman whispered, “No.” I told her I’d call back later. John was ticked off at me because he wanted to talk to the Indian police and inquire the best police bars in case we ever visit over there.

    Regarding today’s real-time A&J, Jimmy, you’ve peeked through our bedroom window again, but this is the first time you ever peeked LAST NIGHT and got in published the same day! Wow! I am so glad I was wearing…but wait! I wasn’t wearing…oh, yes, I was. That bit came before I wasn’t wearing. You are so good, Jimmy!

  5. Bob in Nashville on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:25 am #

    Looks like a variation on what I call “the Natalie Tran method.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZT3ykAkLGg

    Has worked for me on one of those confounded speech-rec call interception machines before.

  6. Lost in A**2 on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:41 am #

    “Everyone brings joy to this office. Some when they come, others when they leave.”

  7. John in Virginia on 18 Mar 2013 at 8:53 am #

    I did not want to ask about police bars! I wanted to give them the information so they could subpoena me to appear at the trial [at the expense of the Indian government, of course; I'm not the President or a lesser [no editorial comment here] elected official].

    I could tell you what Mindy was wearing, Ghost, but, if I did, she’d never not wear it again or wear the part that was not part of the not worn part. [I just quoted her exactly so you figure it out.]

  8. Symply Fargone on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:13 am #

    @JJ,

    I actually do the same thing though “aardvark” and “sesquipedalian” tend to be the words I use….I also just say repeatedly “representative”. I have also found it very helpful to get the rep “on your side”, much easier to deal with if you engage them and treat them as people as Dennis has said as opposed to entities of the corporate machine you wish to destroy. My old boss who later went on to be the VP of Hardware for Juniper taught me how to deal with these folks after I had bungled a deal with a vendor in one of my first conversations in Engineering….he pointed out it was all a game and the idea was not to be satisfied personally, but to win. Took that to heart and it is much easier to be in control.

    @Trucker Ron,

    Congratulations dude! I have done that 7 times now and it is the best thing. You actually find out why you bothered to raise and keep those kids that tortured you for years. Grandkids; best product in the world. Gives me reason to wake up (and drive to Taunton or Gardner for the day; their ages? G14,G12, B12, B10, B8,G6,G2)…..

    @ Comfort Foodies, here is a sweet and sour stuffed cabbage recipe from my Grandma, the only thing she cooked that I really liked. Mom’s type recipes so depending on you r palm size amounts will vary, I use a litttle more rice ;-)

    Hullupchas (according to my mother)
    Few Meat Bones to cover bottom of pot(I use short ribs)
    1 lb. ground beef
    1 handful uncooked rice
    1 handful chopped onion (1/2”x ½”)
    1 egg
    Chopped Parsley
    Salt
    Brown Sugar
    Carrots
    Sour Salt(Calcium Citrate)
    Head of Cabbage
    Raisins
    Ketchup (quantity not given)
    Canned and Crushed tomatoes w/juice(I use can of Puree and can Diced/Crushed)
    3 or 4 ginger snap cookies
    I don’t have any amounts, but figure to use 1 lb. (450g.) hamburg
    A good handful each of uncooked rice, and chopped onions
    1 egg, some chopped parsley, salt , and mix thoroughly.

    Cabbage leaves (soaked in boiling water, to soften). Wrap meat/rice mxt. in cabbage leaf (folding top over and bottom up, then each side in to center, so that meat mxt. is completely contained.

    Place meat bones in bottom of kettle, and braise them, adding cabbage wrapped meat balls, carrot slices, raisins (if you like), tomato ketchup, canned, crushed tomatoes (with juice), 3 or 4 ginger snaps (crushed), and tsp sour salt, just enough water to cover.

    Simmer for an hour, and taste. Add brown sugar to taste, and continue cooking for another hour until all the sauce has blended. Rectify by adding lemon juice or sour salt, or more brown sugar, to taste.
    Good luck!.

  9. sideburns on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:21 am #

    I spent 7.5 years on “the wrong side of the phone,” and have a self-published book of tech support horror stories. When I call my ISP to find something out (I worked for a major ISP.) I always let the tech know two things: first, how experienced I am and second, that I’m running Linux. I ask them to treat me the way they’d want to be treated and that they should just tell me what they need to know and trust me to know how to find it. (They have Windows and Mac cheat sheets, and none of them are appropriate.) I explain that if they’re willing to do things my way, I’ll probably be the best call they have all day. If not, I’m their worst nightmare and will probably end up making a supervisor’s life miserable. What they have to understand is that I don’t need hand-holding, I need some very specific details, such as what numbers to put where in my router’s configuration. If, of course, I’m calling for help with something I’m not that familiar with (not computer related) I cooperate with them as much as possible and do things their way.

  10. Dave in MA on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:25 am #

    I once worked in customer service, then as a supervisor for customer service. Spent 7 years doing it. We were one of those “rare” office buildings where the windows still open. I recall they came around to our 8th floor windows and installed stoppers to prevent them from opening more than 2 inches. When I asked about it, I was told it was to stop people from jumping.

    I was incredulous! You mean you REALLY think we’re going to kill ourselves over a customer’s problem?

    What we were told is that studies rate customer service representative as one of the highest suicide rate jobs because people internalize the anger directed at them by customers who (as GR6 pointed out above) aren’t calling because they are happy with your service.

    Obviously there needs to be more training of the customer service reps in how to disconnect themselves from the emotions of the caller. However, first there should be FAR more training of the customer service reps to actually understand and be able to resolve issues, and then the customers wouldn’t be so angry in the first place.

  11. Lost in A**2 on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:47 am #

    I’m in one of those customer service jobs now. Sometimes, there is nothing that can be done to solve the customer’s problem. Other times, they don’t want to listen, they just want to vent. Unfortunately, I’ve other folks waiting to talk to me, so I can’t let them vent for long. They end up yelling and cursing into a dead phone.

  12. Ghost Rider 6 on 18 Mar 2013 at 10:07 am #

    Recently, I had occasion to make several visits to a location where the front desk receptionist appeared to be the type who felt that her face would crack if she smiled and that the building would collapse if she returned a polite greeting. (Not that I really blamed her, as she spends all day every work day dealing with an endless parade of, well, let’s just say “persons of both sexes with insensitive testicles”.) But I made her a project, and on my fourth visit she both smiled and gave me a cheery “Good morning”. And neither disaster occurred.

    As I learned when I did marketing, “Persistence breaks resistance”. And no, ladies, that’s not my dating technique. Well, not exactly, anyway. ;)

    Thanks, John, for the offer to describe Mindy’s attire (?), but I wouldn’t want to cause you any grief. Besides, I get the picture. Boy, do I get the picture! ;) But also besides, what would be the worst that could happen? I’ll tell you what…Angus commuting back and forth so he could see what Mindy was wearing (or not wearing), and still get to watch Lady Mindy jumping out of the shower wet and naked.

  13. John in Virginia on 18 Mar 2013 at 11:03 am #

    Ghost? Old Buddy? Are you saying that I can watch Lady Mindy as well? Not that I’d want to, of course, and no offense intended toward that magnetic lady but…I guess it’s the investigator in me, always looking for that extra piece of information…

  14. Ghost Rider 6 on 18 Mar 2013 at 11:40 am #

    Sorry, John. I was just saying that Angus would undoubtedly love to have the two incandescent Mindys be the pole stars of his poltergeist world.

    BTW, Natalie in the video was cute. And I loved her outfit. Plus the fact that she admits to “sucking ice cubes”.

  15. Steve From Royal Oak, MI on 18 Mar 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    The last car that I leased (make that the last car that I will ever lease) had a few scratches on it as did the previous 2 vehicles that I had leased. However this lease company came back to tell me that I owed $1,400 in repairs. Obviously those calls to customer service did not go well, although I was speaking with someone from the midwest. To make a long story short, the dealer that I dealt with did not care about my lease as I was buying a used car. Needess to say that I will never buy from that dealer as they should have offered a “pre-inspection” before turning it in.

    I finally settled with the lease company for about $1,100 provided that they received the payment in full by the day after Thanksgiving. I was a bit wary, until they told me that they could set up an automatic withdrawl from my bank. As they were contacting the bank, I realized that I had never told them the name of my bank. However, I assume that they had access to all of my information.

    A couple of weeks after the bank paid the money, I got a notice from my lease company that the bank was $0.01 short and that I had to pay the additional $300 as it was not paid in FULL. I cannot tell you how upset that I was. When I called the lease company, I gave them information to access my account and the lady on the other end said: “Sir before you say a single word, let me tell you that I have corrected your account and that you are paid in full” After a pause, I started to laugh and said: “If you had not said that, I was ready to blow my top”. She laughed too and said: “Yeah, I was not in the mood!”

  16. Mary in Ohio on 18 Mar 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    The number of reps named Patty, Heather, or Shari that speak with an accent not of this hemisphere is very strange. Verrrrrry strange. I am tempted to tell them my name is Padme, despite what’s on my account.

  17. Lost in A**2 on 18 Mar 2013 at 3:50 pm #

    The school in Our Fair City has a sizable contingent of foreign students, many from eastern Asia. Sometimes, they use English names because it’s too much trouble to try to spell out their real names. Even if they go to trouble of spelling it out, no one will pronounce it correctly. Frustrating for all concerned.

  18. Mark in Boston on 18 Mar 2013 at 4:03 pm #

    I’m thinking of changing my answering machine message to this:

    “Hello! You have reached [number]. If you would like to speak to Mark, say ‘Speak to Mark’. If you would like to win one thousand dollars, say ‘Money’. If you would like to leave a message, say ‘Leave a message’. [short pause] OK, it sounded like you said ‘Leave a message’. Leave your message when you hear the beep.”

  19. Lost in A**2 on 18 Mar 2013 at 4:37 pm #

    I like that. Even better: get Carl Cassell to record it for you. :)

  20. Ghost Rider 6 on 18 Mar 2013 at 4:52 pm #

    Good idea, Mary. I may start telling them my “real” name is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali.

    I used to patronize a sushi restaurant owned by a young emigrant Vietnamese couple going by the names of “David” and “Holly.”

  21. sandcastler™ on 18 Mar 2013 at 6:52 pm #

    ^°^°^°^°^ used to go by another name, story for a day far in the future.

  22. Rick in Shermantown, Ohio on 18 Mar 2013 at 6:53 pm #

    I try to be as nice as possible to customer service people.

    However, I have to admit to having some twisted fun with telemarketers, especially those preceded by a robocall claiming to represent a non-profit organization that is dedicated to helping those with at least $10,000 in debt.

    So far, my record for keeping them on the line is five minutes.

  23. Jerry in Fl on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:06 pm #

    Being rude to a caller may help you feel better but, the next person gets a call from someone who is a little less friendly. Another hint, what sometimes sounds at first like a sales call (hello Mr. Jones I’m calling on behalf of Acme Manf. How are you today ?) may be the person calling with the answer to the problem that you’ve been going crazy over for days. As far as taking a minute to listen, the minute that you “save” by not listening will not get added on to your lifespan and the person calling (and I’ve been there too) is probably working a second or third job trying desparately to pay his bills. Boy, you guys saved up all weekend to make some long comments today. Ok I gave you more than a minute, gotta go.

  24. James Pollock on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:32 pm #

    When I call, I usually exactly what it is that I want… but dealing with the actual person is usually at least as difficult as dealing with voicemail menus as they flatly will not go off the script.

  25. Jean from Dahlonega aka Trapper Jean on 18 Mar 2013 at 9:59 pm #

    I find that sometimes just asking about the weather is enough to break the person’s script and we can be good from there on. The other day I had to call NetFlix and ask why I kept getting an error message and told the lady right away that I was hopelessly inept in dealing with technical problems and she was quite nice and sympathetic, and talked me through fixing the problem. Other times I have said “now PLEASE understand I am not yelling at you, but I want someone up the food chain to understand that I am seriously mad” and ask them to report “customer was angry” if it would help. That has worked several times.

    Okay, enough rambling.

    Trucker, congratulations! I have no grandkids yet, but when I feel the need I borrow some from friends of my kids. It’s the “enjoy and return” thing, so it works.

    Back when we had a landline and an answering machine my younger daughter redid the message. Speaking in a dreamy, sort-of-stoned voice she began with “hi, you have reached the (Insert Name) residence We’re sorry we can’t answer right now but our karma just ran over your dogma.” Everybody loved it but Husband, who said since that was also his business line the message wasn’t appropriate. Who knows, I might put that on my cell phone, though Mark in Boston’s version sounds good, too.

  26. Symply Fargone on 18 Mar 2013 at 10:29 pm #

    I used to have an answering machine message I made that went like this in a loud whisper:

    “Shhhhhhhh, keep your voice down! The people who live here aren’t home and I am here ripping off the place. if you leave a complete message for the people, I’ll leave the tape from the answering machine where they’ll find it, before I steal the machine….but keep your voice down!”

    People would call me and ask for me to let the machine answer so they could hear it(why i finally removed a year or two later)

    The one I used most recently was:

    “Hello?……Hello?….long pause…we’re not really here, so leave a message and we’ll call you.”

    On another note, if you watched the refs and NBA beat the Celtics(oh yeah I think the Heat might have scored a few points with out the refs too) Was I dreaming or was the game inequitably called? I do not refer to the Fargone replay calls that were Symply a matter of watching, but the pushes and collisions that were allowed on one team and the ticktac fouls the other way….would be happy to listen to dissenting opinions. I did not have benefit of replay being at the game.

  27. Meryl A on 18 Mar 2013 at 10:58 pm #

    I rarely have any problem or question that matches the choices. Many systems give no opportunity to reach a person or it takes forever. I use the “furfurfur” method. I answer furfurfur (not said as words, but sounds run together, sort of like one of the names in “Man with 2 Brains”, except that started with “huf”). Generally the computer gives up and tells me that I need to speak with someone. Generally they don’t understand what I need and I get transferred a lot anyway.

  28. Debbe59 on 19 Mar 2013 at 3:23 am #

    Good morning Villagers……….

    and food morning Mindy and trilogy…….

    Just read an article about this chicken in China that lays 1/2 pound eggs….an egg (with 2 yolks) within another egg (another 2 yolks). The woman said the hen didn’t eat the corn but ate rice. The article also stated that’s probably why China pumps out the goods twice as fast!

    Telecommunications….I was hired once by this company…the guy who trained me was…demented….he would make his call, introduce himself as Hardly Worthit, or Mike Hunt….I didn’t go back the next day. When I pick the phone up and hear “please hold for a very important phone call”….I just hang up.

    Simply…I see you follow the pro basketball….any interest in the NCAA?

    GR…you are such a charmer…..why wouldn’t a woman want to smile when you entered a room.

    Hey….ya’ll have a blessed day..

  29. Ghost Rider 6 on 19 Mar 2013 at 6:48 am #

    Good morning, Debbe. You charm me, too.

    Anyone remember Al Capp’s “three pound chicken that laid the four pound egg”?

  30. Symply Fargone on 19 Mar 2013 at 7:10 am #

    @Debbe59,

    No, when I started w/basketball it was as a professional fan and I have not left it…there are enough teams and players in the pros without me trying to remmember all the guys in the NCAA. I am always surprised at the draft as I do not know these kids until they get to the NBA. That said I do understand the difference between playing for $ vs pride and do appreciate it. Just the mad skills of the pros I find Symply Fargone.

    BTW, more snow, sleet, rain and there are hoof prints are in the back “yahd” again.

  31. Symply Fargone on 19 Mar 2013 at 7:24 am #

    Debbe59,

    Might find this article Symply charming, the book is out today…it’s a hen’s tale(and from my current home town too):

    http://www.telegram.com/article/20130319/NEWS/103199996/1011/newsrewind