Collateralized debt obligations! Hedge funds! Credit default swaps! Aaaaaaaaarbitrage!!! Tis correct, me hearties! Tis International Talk Like a Pirate Day!! Of course, nobody really wants to talk like modern pirates. Why would we? Their lingo makes Elizabethan English sound positively colloquial. No, we want to talk like the loveable pirates of yore, who made money the old-fashioned way, at the point of a weapon.

So shiver me timbers, mates! It’s a pirate’s life for me!