When last we visited, the power line outside my home office window had collapsed precipitously before my very eyes, the electricity was out, and a highly indignant squirrel was barking in the top of the magnolia tree in the front yard. I ventured outside and from a respectful distance ascertained the power line remained attached to the house in what appeared to be a normal manner. The story was the same at the other end of the line, where it connected to a transformer at the top of a pole. I even inspected that connection through my binoculars. Yet, the line hung barely head-high at its nadir. I had wired a few receptacles in my day, but this was way above my pay grade. I called the power company. About an hour later, a lone young man in a small bucket truck pulled in my driveway. He took one quick look at the power line, paying particular attention to where it passed through the magnolia tree, and said, “I’ll have you fixed up in no time.” That stupid squirrel had perched among the thick leaves and, at his leisure, gnawed through the 1/2-inch thick aluminum cable, enough that it broke during his morning commute. That bare cable serves two purposes: 1) it is attached at either end and supports the other two insulated and electrified wires, and 2) it is the “neutral” or “ground” wire that takes the alternating current back to wherever the heck it has to go. It was that latter one that was the dire issue. Using his bucket and a special tool, the lineman was able to pull the severed line taut and splice it. Indeed, he had me fixed up in no time. “Squirrels and snakes,” he told me, “give us the most trouble.” Fortunately, I already had switched off the power at the service panel, for he also told me, “When you lose your neutral like that, it can burn out everything in your house.” As it was, we lost all our LCD digital clocks and every LED floodlight in the kitchen and breakfast room, 12 in all. Everything else, including the regular LED bulbs, seemed to weather the crisis. As of this writing, the squirrel still lives, but I’ve been salivating over the Acme catalog.
“Order Now and Get One Free!”
By Jimmy Johnson
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27 responses to ““Order Now and Get One Free!””
Red squirrels, aka pine squirrels, are the worst. We had twinkle lights on the lattice over the back deck and they chewed them into bits. They’ve chewed their way into the house and we finally hired an expensive pest control Compton seal up the whole house. Two previous less expensive companies only managed to trap and remove some but they didn’t find all of the entry points. We also have fox, gray and flying squirrels, the last of which set up housekeeping behind the fireplace and had to be removed.
If the Moose shows up, watch him pull a rabbit out of a hat.
I thought that Acme was featured in the old Warner Brothers cartoons.
All I can think of is Christmas Vacation…If the squirrel had gnawed too much then Cousin Eddie might have said “Fried Pussy Cat”, because at that kind of voltage, who knows what varmit it is. Also, of course, is the classic scene where the squirrel gets loose and Clark asks where Eddie is because he usually eats them and Eddie’s wife answers “Not any more, Eddie heard that they were high in cholesterol.
But the Acme catalog is a nice touch.
Great story! We have neither squirrels nor power lines in our neighborhood (and for that matter, not a lot of trees) but occasionally the four-wheeled ‘squirrels’ out on the highway will attack a power pole and bring down a significant portion of the town
There is actually an Acme catalog. https://www.acme.com/catalog/acme.html
Growing up in New Jersey, we actually had an Acme Supermarket a block away from our home. Never did find the aisle with the anvils.
That would be Acme Hardware.
Jimmy:
Did the fellow from the power company recommend that you trim the magnolia tree?
Every so often around, the two power companies that serve this county will cut back trees, sometimes severely but always within their right of way.
The property owners are rarely happy about it, even though they are the ones who planted trees where they did not belong.
He had pruners with him that he used to clear some working space. Other than that, he put things back the way they were, which had sufficed for many years. He recommended I get a pellet gun.
If you live in a neighborhood, he’s right. In the country, I prefer a .22 LR for squirrels.
Her you go, JJ. Just be careful not to shoot your eye out.
https://www.amazon.com/Red-Ryder-Daisy-Christmas-Wish/dp/B08NHTHHXD/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=Daisy+Red+Ryder&qid=1611972831&s=sporting-goods&sr=1-2
“…nadir.” 🙂
Something just dawned on me…an antonym of “nadir” is “acme”. Game, set and match to Mr. Johnson. Well played, sir.
My daughter and SIL fight constant battles with squirrels in their three story (plus full basement for servants, laundry, storage and coal) historic home. Lots of entry holes.
But it was a large family of raccoons that moved in behind dining room fireplace wall and some died. Live ones got removed, dead ones remained.
Now they have colony of bats in attic. Hundreds
I grew up in historic Southern home. All we had were snakes and chimney sweeps. Squirrels, raccoons and possums stayed away due to dozens of deer hounds on porch and in yard.
I’d be salivating over a squirrel stew.
A few years back, in my neck o’ the Deep South woods, a power outage in a neighboring county took down almost the entire county and lasted for several hours. It was big enough of a deal that one of the area TV stations sent a news crew to the scene.
They later televised an interview with one of the linemen that responded and finally restored power. He, an African-American gentleman who looked like he could have played middle linebacker in college, explained that the delay in restoring power was due to them having to first get into the remote, heavily wooded and brushy area where the outage occurred.
When asked by the reporter the cause of the outage, he said, “This”, holding up, by its tail, the “crispy critter” remains of a squirrel. Then, apparently unable to resist, he looked straight into the camera, grinned, and said, “Now that’s what I call good eatin’.”
You’re not the first to seek squirrel revenge. Your story reminded me of seeing this a while back –
https://youtu.be/oNltR4iCRCA?t=11
I’m still trying to figure out how snakes cause power outages
A snake reaching from a live line to a branch and holding both has the same effect as a stick grounding the line to something. It provides a pathway for the current to go to ground, kills the snake and trips the circuit breaker on the transformer.
My maternal grandfather spent his adult life working for Alabama Power Company. Started as a lineman but moved up to meter reader. He said you never knew what you would find when you opened the meter box. According to him he had run across everything from wasp nests to snakes, and before retirement cans of dog repellent were standard equipment for the guys doing his job.
Just read interesting article about critters, birds, snakes, rats, gophers, horses, bears, buffalo, cattle putting out the lights. Fascinating with photos, videos, varieties, sizes, countries, science.
I cannot post but maybe Mark can find and post? I learned a lot. Snakes climb the poles and chase birds on wires. The video of long snake wrapped around wire rapidly chasing bird was amazing.
The giant python inside equipment case even more so. The bear being electrocuted atop the light pole downtown was sad.
I have a photo of a husky up a phone or light pole but it was rescued I believe?
This feeder might not be squirrel proof, but it looks like cheap entertainment for the homeowners. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3Ut-BA6WW4
Last year had power co-op put in new yard light (BC= Before Covid), they
jostled a ground line & broke splice, so had low voltage in barn. 240 Ok but
low voltage on 120 side. (All other grounds were OK).
.
Scary thing was 90 volts from metal conduit to concrete floor.
That is why Ground and Neutral are on separate busses now, by code.
It’ll take much longer to read the article than to watch the video… but please don’t be sipping anything messy when you watch it!
https://www.ksl.com/article/50097549/have-you-seen-this-kid-embarrasses-mom-at-drive-thru-in-the-most-perfect-way
Jackie
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Have you tried “The Gutenberg Project”?
.
If you like JB you might like Matt Helm by Donald Hamilton.
.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Helm
.
NOTHING like the movies. Hamilton really knew clothes, guns, & cars.
He could really paint word pictures – In “Steel Mirror” (not a Matt Helm) written
1947 – I could see the ’47 Fawn colored Mercury, smell the hot alcohol antifreeze,
feel the sun on a hot NM street.
.
Wrote a few westerns that were made into movies.
My son had that problem after a hurricane. A crew came to restore power but did not fix the ground. almost burned everything.