Ultraviolent Rays

by Jimmy Johnson


Buy the new book, "Beaucoup Arlo & Janis!"Today's "Arlo & Janis!"
Just so you have both sides of the story, when the above series first appeared in newspapers, I received a polite email from a PR spokesman for the tanning industry who assured me that articial tanning is perfectly safe. Now, I have a backyard tip. Those of you who hate cats and think they’re evil, those of you who are squeamish, those of you who think of nature as a sweet mother figure are excused, although this somewhat disturbing tale does have a happy ending. I had a wooden bird feeder in my backyard, the type with a tray around the base. It afforded many birds the opportunity to dine in comfort at the same time, but it also created a blind spot. Cats would creep under the feeder and from a standing crouch cover the six feet from ground to feeder and nail an unsuspecting bird with an extended paw. Love ’em or hate ’em, a cat in its prime is an athlete nonpareil. The feeder already hung as high as a human conveniently could reach, so I thought of raising it further with a system of pullies and rope. Too much work! Finally, I replaced the wooden feeder with a cylindrical basket that has feeding ports on the side and a narrow, circular tray at the bottom. The communal dining experience isn’t quite the same, but now the birds can see cats approaching. Problem solved.

Recent Posts

Moving on

Perhaps the nail gun and drywall phase of village reconstruction is over. Maybe soon we can move on to the fun stuff, like paint ...

Phoning it in

Good morning! I’m happy to announce modest success in the “responsiveness” department. You should be able to go to this website on your phone ...

Hello, Central?

I have not solved the problem of displaying this page properly on a phone. I do feel as if 90% of my ducks are ...

‘AJ phone home’

I know you don’t come to this blog every day to read about the blog, but that’s what you’re getting. I have tried to ...

…and we’re back!

After a brief break, I’m back behind the keyboard. I’ve already put in a few early-morning hours working on this site. Those are my ...

One Step Forward

There are two areas where I need to concentrate now, aside from the areas where I don’t yet know I need to concentrate. First, ...

136 responses to “Ultraviolent Rays”