There’s nothing wrong with a good pun. The reason puns are thought of as lowly, or cheap, is because truly good puns are very difficult and very rare. They are not a pointless scrambling of words and letters, and they should not be so obvious–or so reaching—as to elicit nothing but groans and rolling eyes. In fact, puns are so difficult, an entire sub-genre of humor has grown up around them: jokes about how bad puns are. (See Pearls before Swine.) I’ve done maybe two or three good puns in my entire career. I count the above as one of them.
Clear as Mud
By Jimmy Johnson
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281 responses to “Clear as Mud”
I prefer the mushrooms not be butter-soaked. A touch of real butter, maybe. emb
OF due 1151210 CST.
http://www.nps.gov/features/yell/webcam/oldFaithfulStreaming.html
Whoops: OF due 1150-1210 CST. emb
Nodak Wayne:
Having a heart attack (myocardial infarction or MI) does not preclude one from having a CDL. A mere blockage of a heart artery (or 5) is viewed as a temporary setback. It’s typically not fatal (though you may wish it were!) and once you’re regained your strength and have the doctor’s official okey-dokey, all driving restrictions are lifted. OTOH, if a heart event such as mine results in a loss of consciousness, you automatically lose your CDL for life. A few states, with the doctor’s approval, Will issue intrastate commercial licenses, but few trucking companies are willing to hire those drivers because they typically self-insure.
The states also vary in how they treat noncommercial drivers licenses and heart issues. If your device delivers the ‘big one’ in some states you are automatically denied driving rights for six months. Other states do not monitor such things or have restrictions; they leave it up to the physicians’ judgment.
Mushrooms can be consumed raw like all other veggies.
If you can find a good Asian market, you may be able to get Beech Mushrooms, either white or brown. They look similar to button mushrooms, but with longer stems and smallish crowns. What you get is a package containing a clump of them, and all you really need to do is cut the base off, as it tends to get woody, and the clump just falls apart and is ready for cooking.
There’s a brand of portobello out here that claims to be a good source of Vitamin D. They expose them to UV light to give them a better color and the mushrooms produce the same chemicals your skin does as it tans that your body can turn into the vitamin.
Lest anyone think I had butter-soaked Shiitake mushrooms immersed in cream sauce for lunch, it was actually a tuna sandwich, made from spring water-packed tuna, dill pickle relish, chopped hard-boiled egg, and light mayo, on whole-wheat bread. With a kosher dill pickle on the side.
Just 14% of my daily food-point allowance.
Trucker Ron another good way to lose your licence for six months is to pass out and have a grand mal seizure. That happened to me in my fifties and all the medical people would say about the seizure is, “First seizures don’t happen at your age without a physical trauma.” 3 of the same in 6 months put the lie to that. Now much older and on medication and seizure free. It is interesting to pass out in a Mexican restaurant and wake up covered in refried beans, being held up the manager. A real “Whut wuz THAT?” moment. That earned me a ride in the ambulance that time. Lost my driving privileges for 6 months, it about drove me nuts.
That reminds me of the morning when I got up early and had plenty of time to get ready for work so I put the alarm clock on the kitchen counter and retired to the sofa for a short nap. When the alarm went off I apparently jumped up, began passing out and made it just far enough that I remember my chin hitting the counter very hard and thinking “what’s going on?” I woke up on the floor about 20 minutes later. I was lucky because it could have resulted in lost teeth, etc. BTW that was shortly after my last divorce and I was living alone.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20150423/us-bra-bandit-365ac34409.html
Maaybe they are working in pairs?
Go braless, save $50, get Ghostly looks.
Nice aa’s Mark
The “bra bandit” story was funny… and there were other stories on that site that were pretty good also. Especially the one about the housebreaker who heated up and ate tater tots, then went to sleep on the sofa! Just gotta shake my head…
Village Loon, oops. We still need that edit button. When I lived in Tennessee, this kind of theft was a frequent occurrence at the mall in Murfreesboro, too. Most likely being sold on Ebay or flea markets, but I bet the thieves just steal to sell to the resellers.
Good joke, Loon, about going braless.
OF due 1751-1811 CST. emb
http://www.nps.gov/features/yell/webcam/oldFaithfulStreaming.html
What’s the point(s) in going braless?
Wonder if this is how the lifter lifters worked it?
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/broward/weston/fl-weston-radio-shack-under-dress-20150424-story.html
Thought for the Day: “Avoid stupid people, stupid places, and stupid things.” – John S. Farnam
Debbe
Might want to pass that one on, also.
OF due 1919-1939 CST. Dreary day, but no fog. emb
http://www.nps.gov/features/yell/webcam/oldFaithfulStreaming.html.
Perspective: http://www.mprnews.org/story/2015/04/24/npr-hubble-telescope
Peace, emb
Debbe is right, they are ‘shrooms here. The puns were great. Glad to read about all of the people on the mend and how biomechanical several Villagers’ hearts are.
And boo to the cheap shot to the eye.
As to my job? Oh boy, this week takes the cake. [WARNING: Lengthy post ahead.]
Assistant number one (A1, from store I just left) is doing okay with the store. I stop in every other day or so for a couple hours to review paperwork, make corrections, leave feedback, check store conditions, give second shift some chores. Unfortunately, long story short, new management for the company means changes in accounting. The scratch off lottery ticket accounting has not gone well anywhere. This got not only my assistant, but me as well. Compounding things, assistant number two (A2,from new store) gave A1 her day off. A2 failed to follow directions from A1 and further entangled the paperwork. I ended up leaving my inventory audit to go back and save A1 from further distress and entanglement. Both locations are still short-staffed, and scheduling feels a bit a cross between Whack-A-Mole and Battleship. A2 is now relegated to filling in to give people days off – until she can learn to follow instructions I’m not going to have her do paperwork. I don’t have that kind of time to waste.
Mind you, store with A1 isn’t really my responsibility any more. However, best laid plans and all that … the manager-in-training (MIT) isnt going to A1’s store. Today our district when code red critical, and my boss is going to have a nervous breakdown or heart attack. Possibly both.
The fuel location I had a couple years ago is now without a manager and primary day shift employee. The manager and day shift guy started dating and moved in together. (Not against the rules as long as one of them went to different location. They opted to not tell the boss and hide the romance.) And the pair then started bullying another employee (who shouldn’t have been hired to begin with, another story), AND said manager and employee haven’t to bothered to come to work for the past few days. Boss man went looking for her yesterday, and guilty parties found out they had been outed. (BAD) Today, manager, assistant manager, and day shift didn’t come to work today. (REALLY BAD) Boss and I sort of expected the couple wouldn’t, but the assistant was a surprise. Turns out, his house had been fire-bombed. (WORSE) Very possibly by pair who believe he ratted them out. (EVEN WORSE)
… Oh and the other big fuel store with issues? That manager went in for emergency kidney stone surgery today. She’s out for a while.
So yeah, I’ll do a bit of extra work for a while. I could always have it worse. I could be my boss.
Oh my gosh! I shall add you also to my prayer list! WHAT is wrong with people? Seems as though the work ethic has gone the way of the dodo.
Lady Mindy, have you considered a career change into something with less stress and drama…such as coal mining, inner-city law enforcement or crop duster flying?
Oh, and an old college professor had a heck of a scare. The stage his daughter was one during a school performance collapsed into the orchestra pit. Mercifully, no performers in the pit, but several children were hurt. My professor’s daughter was okay physically, but emotionally shaken. It could have been so much worse for everyone. (My professor’s son plays in the pit orchestra; he must be doubly thankful.)
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/dozen-hurt-after-indiana-high-school-stage-collapse-n347446
I think too many of us are living under that infamous Chinese curse about having interesting lives! So, here’s an article about an interesting person who also has an ICD in his chest as well as an unusual hobby:
http://www.oxfordtimes.co.uk/news/opinions/first_person/12909582.First_Person__Being_positive_can_take_you_places/
TR: not too crazy about his spider obsession but am thrilled with his passion for life.