Pipe Dream

by Jimmy Johnson

January 19, 2011


From 10 years ago today. When I was a young man, I thought I could do anything, and my spouse believed me. When I was a middle-aged man, I still thought I could do anything, but my spouse had grown skeptical. Now that I’m an older man, I’m beginning to suspect the truth myself. On the subject of plumbing, I once had a friend and neighbor who is no longer with us. He had retired from a career in the U.S. Navy, where he serviced and repaired diesel engines. These were ship engines; the Navy had some big diesel engines! When he finally retired, he began a second career as a plumber. Residential plumbing must have seemed like child’s play to him. In fact, he always told people a plumber only needs to know two things: hot water goes on the left, and sewage flows downhill, though my friend the old Navy man did not say “sewage.” I know from firsthand experience that he was exaggerating.


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70 responses to “Pipe Dream”

  1. Ghost Avatar
    Ghost

    Re 1-21-21 real-time cartoon, panel 2: “The angle of the dangle…”

    1. Bonnie from Gloucester Ma Avatar
      Bonnie from Gloucester Ma

      …..is directly proportional to……

  2. Ghost Avatar
    Ghost

    Re 1-21-21 real-time cartoon, panel 4: It seems there should be a Limerick with Bangor in it. But probably there isn’t, as Bangor is a four-hour drive from Limerick.

    1. Jackie Avatar
      Jackie

      Baby, quit worrying about forgetting things. I never ever knew there WAS a Limerick in Maine!

      1. Ghost Avatar
        Ghost

        Ah, actually that’s Bangor, Northern Ireland and Limerick, Ireland that are four hours apart by auto.

  3. Bonnie from Gloucester Ma Avatar
    Bonnie from Gloucester Ma

    Thoroughly enjoying the memory lapses of an aging mind strips that ‘ol what’s his name is publishing this week.

  4. Ghost Avatar
    Ghost

    The relatively lower relative humidity of winter-time Oklahoma, compared to that where I formally lived; using alcohol-based hand sanitizers for almost a year; and the natural aging process of human epidermis have conspired to seriously dry out the skin on my hands, especially of my fingers and fingertips. I looked at them under a good light last night at bedtime and thought, “I have alligator fingers!” If alligators had fingers, which they sort of do. At least their skin doesn’t crack from dryness, which mine is doing, especially on my fingertips.
    So, today I went to a trusted source and obtained some lanolin-based balm to try to soften my skin. (“It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told… It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”) I had a moment of concern when I noticed the container has a picture of a horse on it. But the label says it is non-toxic and does not require gloves to be used for application. So I suppose that will be OK for me to use. Out of an abundance of caution, I’ll ask Jackie to make sure I continue to have oatmeal for breakfast and do not switch to actual oats.

  5. Nancy Kirk in AZ Avatar
    Nancy Kirk in AZ

    “Bag Balm” is quite good also, Ghost….

    1. Ghost Avatar
      Ghost

      And so I hear is the “udder” one…Udder Balm. 🙂

    2. Mark in TTown Avatar
      Mark in TTown

      I found the Bag Balm to be very greasy, though. Right now I’m trying out Eucerin Advanced Repair, which seems to be working pretty well. I’ve had problems with dry, cracked skin in the winter for years and keep trying new products to see if one works for me. There was one called SBS40 that was the best I’ve used at keeping my skin from cracking. But the manufacturer sold it to another company who changed the formula. And the last time I tried it, it no longer did the job.

  6. Ghost Avatar
    Ghost

    So now there is at least one limerick with “Bangor” in it. I just wrote it. (The punchline sort of wrote itself, of course.)

  7. Lost in A**2 Avatar
    Lost in A**2

    I used to work in Chicago, In a Department Store, . . .

    Not a limerick, but I’ll but the punchline is similar. 😉

  8. Lost in A**2 Avatar
    Lost in A**2

    “bet” for the second “but.”

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