My grandmother, who lived with us when I was growing up, actually would ask me this. Of course, it sounded idiotic and embarrassing to me then, but now that I think back it was a more interesting and probably more accurate term than “dating.”
What’s In a Name?
By Jimmy Johnson
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264 responses to “What’s In a Name?”
Jackie, truth can be so much stranger than fiction. Investigators, lawyers, judges, publishers, and critics hate to admit strange coincidences can happen. But they do. That’s why life is rarely boring. Yours less than most.
Mark, and more villagers, it’s good to have the pros and tech we have today to help us in our needs. Sounds as though each is being followed up well. Best wishes and prayers to all. Keep us posted.
Mark I am so sorry about your mom. My mother in law saved her leg but it continued to the grave and she did end up in homes. I could not lift her, nor could nurses, they used a crane of some sort. My aunt who did not have weight but diabetes and the blockage was told surgery would not work, she refused amputation and of course died a attempting surgery. I say this not to depress you but because doctors are telling the truth. I spent more time with aunt than her children did.
Son in law designschool legs but few people will use them, especially the elderly. Would I? Yes but I am stubborn and won’t give up. I would acrept amputation and walk again. You and your brothers need to consider all of this. Your mother will I suspect refuse amputation, as my aunt did. She was wrong, I loved her very much but hers was based on vanity. She was vibrant, intelligent, funny and had no other health issues. She could have lived.
Jackie, mom will be 87 in July. Don’t think Medicare would pay for any artificial limbs at that age. She had minor stroke several years ago and has been on 4 leg walker since a fall about 3 years ago. There is me, my brother and one sister. Brother is about to have lumbar fusion for ongoing back troubles. I work full-time and my work contract specifies that work from home does not allow for adult/child care during work hours. Sister has severe osteoporosis and lives in TN, where her husband works. Mom has one brother, but he lives in KY and is caring for a wife with terminal cancer and aftereffects of severe stroke. So some type of care home is only choice for mom if she can’t get around on her own.
It seems that many of us are of the age when we have similar experiences especially with our mothers. Some with fathers also, but it is common for wife to outlive husband. My 90 year old mother is now in a nursing home. When she went in I didn’t expect her to live very long, but she is improving. I do have a question. I was discussing, or trying to discuss, making medical decisions on her behalf if it should become necessary. Although I have not asked her to change anything, as it stands now both my brother and I have that power. The problem is that I would do what my mother wants, but my brother will not agree I’m sure. There is a more immediate problem though. When I was talking with her she suddenly said “I don’t feel that I am competent to make medical decisions now.” She wouldn’t say anything else about it. I am certainly not wanting to have her declared not competent. I am reluctant to discuss this with my brother at this point as he may rush to an attorney. I’m not looking for legal advice but I would like to hear from anyone who faced something like this.
Mark I hope I didn’t sound harsh, I didn’t mean to. None of us are prepared to care for aging and ill parents. I kept feeling sorry for my mother in law and wanting to bring her here. Big surprise, right? Her nurses at home, her doctors, my doctor’s all said the same thing: “Don’t do it, she will kill you.” She thrived on ill health and hospitalization, was rude to nursing staff, unappreciative. And very obese and just kept gaining. She loved the attention illness brought. Yes, she could have lost weight and exercised but she loved food, especially sweets, juices and junk food.
In 48 years married to her son I never saw her do anything besides sit and watch television or old movies , so, we end up with results we ourselves bring on. I keep telling myself that. Your mom needs to be where she not only gets care she needs but her children are not to blame either, you’ve all tried, I can tell. Don’t end up going down yourselves.
Jerry: You may not be looking for it here, but I suspect that you really do need legal advice. I’ve heard too many sad stories of family members who refuse to accept and follow a loved one’s wishes and destroy relationships in the process. I would hate for your mom and you to go through that.
Jerry: I’m seconding Ruth Anne. Many of us have stories of what already happened. It sounds like you are at the beginning of one. Seek out a consultation now. Consultation is not action. And any lawyer in this field already knows the dangers they’ve seen others endure. Your beloved mother has already said as much as she will likely ever admit, don’t wait for more. Responding now may save regret later.
I did not mean to sound like a TV commercial. But I guess in this case I agree. I don’t know your time zone, so I suggest getting an appointment before close of business Tuesday. A good professional can ease your fears, and make a plan, even if no action is taken now. You will feel like you’ve accomplished something.
Agreed. The aunt I traveled with for years as part of our minivan across America caravan (pun) had no documents in place when it all hit with TWO lawyer sons and a dentist son and seven nurses, doctors and dentists in the grand kids! NONE.
And she was not competent then to sign of course. My daughter the ex-Parkland Hospital patient advocate snooped around until a hospital employee broke HPPA and told her. Doctors and staff could not legally discuss her care with family.
Gal, being at one place for a long time is no guarantee of useful retirement benefits. I worked for over 30 years for a company that then went bankrupt. They were “allowed” to keep the pension fund underfunded and I will be lucky to get 50% when the paper work is done. In addition, there was supposed to be other benefits that were not part of the pension fund that are now part of the unsecured creditors list. I suspect I have to work until I die.
Gary: Scary feelings are involved. You have my sympathy. And you gave me a new charitable giving idea, if it’s not already out there.
During our recent 1.2+ B lottery, I would fantasize on what I would do. I mean that’s so much, I do not believe a selfish hedonist could do it all easily. It would take real work to lose it all. So, after the reasonable self, the reasonable for those close, the reasonable giving, comes the selfish self, the generous for those close to me… now what? There’s international aid, scholarships, medical research, you know the list. Scholarship felt important, but there are many, really rich people doing that already. Anyway, I know a billion dollars doesn’t fix everything, and means testing is messy. But if I could add a couple hundred a month to the wallets of people taken by systems outside their control, and keep IRS hands off, that would feel pretty good.
Tune in tomorrow to see your hero make the sun rise in the west.
Prayers, Mark and Jerry… and anyone else who is facing hard decisions.
As to consultation, no objection to lawyers, but your hospital may have a staff person specifically assigned to consulting with patients, relatives, whomever, about advanced directives, ‘when I am no longer competent, . . .,’ and such. Ours happens to be the former hospital chaplain, and a good friend. His wife, also an M.Div. and good friend, is Assoc. Pastor at one of Bemidji’s several L.C.s, and a splendid preacher. They are both good cooks. Life is hard. [Bemidji is half LC, of various stripes, half RC, and the rest of us.]
‘And she was not competent then to sign, of course. My daughter the ex-Parkland Hospital patient advocate snooped around until a hospital employee broke HPPA and told her. Doctors and staff could not legally discuss her care with family.’
HIPPA can be a problem; we hospital volunteers run into it often. Whom did you see in the bldg. today that you cannot tell anyone you saw? Whose condition do you know that you cannot tell your pastor about, even though you think they would want him to know? [You are supposed to get their permission IN WRITING.] Fun. Elaine, RN told me that law was largely written by insurance lobbyists to make their clients’ jobs easier. Nah, responsible firms would never do such a thing!
In the early ’50s, before HIPPA existed, but not politicians, Bob Taft was running against Ike to be GOP nominee. Elaine is immune now. She told me, but I never told anyone: Taft knew at the time that he was terminal, at the hospital where Elaine was a student. [Of course, we all are, but he knew it would be soon.] Ike won anyway; maybe Taft knew Ike would, and for Taft to step down would make things difficult. Maybe Ike knew. We will never know, but I think Elaine’s info was accurate. To my knowledge, this never got into the history of post-WWII American politics; more important thinks did, but not always, I suspect.
Peace, emb
When we filled out the paperwork for the vascular doc’s files, we made sure the names of all three of mom’s children were on the cleared to discuss list. And no, I don’t think you were harsh, Jackie. Just realistic. But I’ve had experience with the long-term caregiver thing. And at this point in my life, and probably my brother and sister’s, we just can’t do it.
I guess I didn’t define but my family was all furious at hospital and doctors, staff for refusing to tell them anything without realizing their mother had signed nothing designating they could. So we had two mad lawyers and a lot of mad family in medical profession who should have known what was needed.
And in a hundred years, who will give a $hit!
Yes, Jackie, that was an outtake from Vegas. The background was, as I understand, prerecorded which is why it just keeps going. I first learned about it, years ago, because I liked to listen to a local “oldies station,” that had been a Top 40 station back when I was young. (The effect was that they were still playing the same music, although they had a different name for it.) Most of the time, when they played Are You Lonesome Tonight, it was the straight version, but they’d slip this in once in a while so that you never knew which one to expect.
Go Figure: You’ll need to be more specific
But unfortunately all medical staff no matter where, offices. Clinics, hospitals, pharmacies, physical therapists, dentists must all give a sixth NOW. .And when it’s your mother or father or child, we’ll then you give more than one, you give a fxxk what is going on and want to know.
Perhaps you have yet to lose someone you love?
Debbe:
Not to worry!
To be considered on a par with TR is a compliment.
And the talk about Elvis reminds me –
I work with a fellow who was stationed in Germany when he was in the Army, and Elvis agreed to have his photo taken with him.
That was impressive as heck – seeing my co-worker and Elvis, both in uniform, side by side.
General Question for those more experienced here: I’ve long thought there was no up or down vote available here. No way to add or subtract ‘karma’ points. I now see the pound or hash sign next to each post is a hyperlink. Does it serve a purpose beyond serial counting posts?
Jackie, we can talk about this more on FB. The trolls seem to be invading, or we have overstressed someone on the topic.
HIPAA privacy regulations seem to be predicated on the idea that one can trust one’s life to one’s medical providers but not one’s medical records. Life is rife with examples of the unintended consequences that accrue from regulators regulating professions with which they have little or no real-world experience.
‘To be considered on a par with TR is a compliment.’ Sure is. IMO, he was our second best Republican POTUS.
Peace, emb