I hope you had a good Memorial Day weekend. Memorial Day weekend always means the annual meeting of the National Cartoonists Society and the bestowal of NCS awards, highlighted by the “Reuben,” given to the outstanding cartoonist of the year. At the convention in Washington, DC, this year, that supreme accolade went to Roz Chast, magazine cartoonist and humorous illustrator. The award for Best Comic Strip went to Stephan Pastis, creator of Pearls before Swine. No, I did not attend this year’s meeting, but the Reuben weekend will be in Memphis next May (Remember where you heard it first!), and I plan to be on hand for that one.
Scratching Post
By Jimmy Johnson
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261 responses to “Scratching Post”
Ruth Anne, enjoy what is, no doubt, a well-earned rest or change of pace! When I retired, I did, indeed, retire.
A favorite old joke:
Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’
She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.
Debbe 😉 I’ve probably sent this to you before, but if so, it’s worth another listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Mgy4wDvPY
Have today off? (I hope.)
Anyone else finding it impossible to get GoComics.com ?
cxp – no GoComics for me either. Rather glad I read ahead on yahoo.
Off to the salt mines…
I usually view it at the Seattle Times, which uses uclick.com. no luck there either. Could it be a conspiracy?
Good morning Villagers…..
So many good posts above with links….
Jean, love the dog pics,
Denise, big girl panties….I wear one size fits all 🙂 Am envious about your ‘mater, we didn’t put out anything this year, and yes, it’s been wet here also. But the fields are sprouting corn and soybeans….
TR…I too always liked that joke.
Ruth Anne…congratulations, and a big thank you. You seem to have been a fine mentor, I am sure you will be missed. Have you thought about substitute teaching? I’ve done some of that in between jobs….junior high and up.
GR 😉 couldn’t get the link up, said try again and I will as I so badly want to hear Clarence and Jackson, don’t think I’ve ever heard the song. And yes, I am home today. Poor Ian 🙂 , is working though…seven straight days….hahahahahaha
And all is back to normal feedings at the hen house.
The puns, when I read the ‘bra’ one, sorry GR, but the first person I thought of was GR 😉 and you didn’t fail me with your post on the subject.
Gal, what did you eat before bedtime. Emb and 57 stairs….I hope he is still able to read…I’m sure he’ll get a ‘kick’ out of your dream.
Indy Mindy…how was your time with your sister and BIL?
Loon, sorry about your plants…and the ‘squitors…didn’t Denise mention one time that Avon’s Skin-so-Soft works in keeping the little blood suckers away.
No gocomics here either…so it’s yahoo time…got to get my morning fixes in.
but not before:
http://cheezburger.com/7753197568
Ian just called…going in, another auger out and several birds on top tier are dead…..freaking out!!!!
U-Click is working now….
Muggy yesterday morning. Storm came through and has not stopped raining. High today will be 53°! Hoping there will be no floods.
^°^°^°^°^°^ has comics 🙂 The Sunday offering is a hoot, thanks JJ ;-( 🙂
Debbie – There is not enough money in the world to make me even consider being a substitute! I’ve seen what the kids do to them 🙂
More rain, more flooding. Areas of Richmond and Rosenburg south of the Brazos river are under evacuation warning. Hope John is okay. River flood warnings in Houston now extended to 8:30 PM Tuesday
Ruth Anne, congratulations on your retirement, and may you enjoy it to the fullest!
I did work as a substitute teacher for a couple of years before my children were born. It made me even more sure my decision not to become a teacher was the right choice.
I was out for a bit the other day putting in some extra tomato plants, and the gnats were really bad. For once they outdid the skeeters.
Jean, can overnight you a few pounds of skeeters if you need a change of bite. 😉
Dear Jackie Monies, hope you can see this. Is your place on the lake okay, with the rain and flooding we are reading about? You were planning to be far away from Oklahoma at this time, are you enjoying your travels? Thinking of you and wondering where you are and what’s going on. Love, Charlotte
I’m so sorry that happened, Loon. A garden is such a personal thing that a loss like this really hurts.
Ruth Anne, congratulations! You’ve made some very cogent points about why educators function well after retiring, points everyone could benefit from incorporating into their lives. I know you’ll have a purposeful and happy retirement!
Debbe, that is terrible! Keeping you and the situation in my prayers. (And yes, it was Avon’s Skin-So-Soft or Off’s equivalent—Skintastic—that works well for skeeter magnet me. Might be worth trying for gnats, Jean.)
Still raining, Steve, and I heard the Clinton River is over its banks.
Prayers for all those affected by flooding throughout our country. sand, besides John, is David in a hard hit area, too?
Denise, very possible David could also have wet feet. Austin is very hilly compared to Houston, a lot depends on location. We are about a mile from Buffalo Bayou, a major source of the downtown flooding. So far in our area it has not gotten unruly, just over the banks.
Be sure to label those “junk boxes” so family members know what is in them. These articles appear in the news too frequently. http://mashable.com/2015/05/31/apple-i-computer-recycling-center/?utm_cid=mash-com-Tw-main-link
Ruth Anne, I know somebody who works as a substitute teacher. Judging by some of the things he says and does (and what he thinks are appropriate to put in the minutes of a meeting of the Board of Directors of a club) it’s a good thing for the students that he’s only a substitute. Several of us have speculated that this is why he’s not a regular teacher.
For Debbe and Mindy from Indy: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2015/05/24
And no longer a problem for Ruth Anne!
sandcastler(tm) and sideburns: http://www.gocomics.com/herman/2015/05/27
sand, did that hand-built wooden Apple I run on kerosene?
Mark, my childhood resembled the one portrayed in Herman. Thanks for the memories.
Debbe 😉 I hope the “one size fits all” big-girl panties of which you speak are not the ones referenced by this old joke…
Q: What do you look for in an older woman?
A: Depends.