I would fully expect to be schooled about the authentic chimpanzee diet in response to the above cartoon from 2000. I know. Chimpanzees in the wild don’t eat a lot of lettuce; they do eat fruit, and they will eat meat when they come across it, i.e., catch a hapless critter and beat it to death. However, what chimps really eat is not important. This is a dinner-table conversation between man and wife. It doesn’t matter if Arlo is spot-on from a zoological standpoint. He’s just saying what anyone might say in response to one too many salads. This sort of pedantic observation by some readers is as old as the rotary press, but today, in the age of online comments, Boy Howdy!
77 responses to “Salad Daze”
Perhaps this will help end a terrible day with a little smile…
A woman named Jill stood up at her church’s Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation:
“I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, suffered this past month. He was riding his Harley, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, the most serious thing he suffered was a broken scrotum.”
The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats.
“Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he’s in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. He can’t lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new.”
A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sank in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, walked slowly up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation: “My name is Jim, and I have to say to my beautiful wife, Jill, the word is ‘sternum’.”
Aging can be rough, almost necessarily so in one way or another. Only rough part of retirement as such is that I miss the classroom [not the meetings, budgets, etc.]. Some remedy the classroom bit by teaching part time or individual gigs. That’s easier in some disciplines than others [e.g., fellow music emeritus has individual voice students], but I’ve gotten in a few talks to senior learning groups, a few sermons, some copy-editing, monthly newspaper columns, and lots of reading, mostly biological and theological. Those, + chronic bad time mgt., make me overly busy, but doing nothing would be rougher. Bad habits are rough.
Peace,
Hilarious, even though I saw it coming a mile away. Vocabulary is important. Peace,
As I read about Jill, I thought “Uh, oh” as soon as she said scrotum. When she said, “He has trouble breathing,” I was sure. Had it been BUMC, I, the retired biologist next to me, the pastor [a former nurse], and probably others would have been doubled over trying not to laugh at her sad tale. Delightful.
I liked this one:
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”
TR
Must have been “non verbal” communication before they were married.
Trucker: Also hilarious. Peace,
Greater kudu. There’s also a male [horned] nearby.
https://explore.org/livecams/african-wildlife/african-animal-lookout-camera
Y’all will inspire Ghost. He loves jokes and knows a lot of them.
What? This is a comic strip blog!!
Good one Jimmy.
Cute and fluffy: https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22089511_151700632096582_3579028154183603854_n.jpg?oh=a0ba17fecb2f04d918f13b7cd3181b54&oe=5A434C35
Norwegian Forest Cat kittens
Thanks, Mindy from Indy. We need these reminders: https://scontent-dft4-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/22154315_1966444846945761_4419310936294838791_n.jpg?oh=0ba0343c8627ea6cd87a7ed4caec6232&oe=5A4EDD4F
Rick, sarcasm, it means that you are saying the opposite of what you think in an attempt to be amusing or get a point across, obviously an ability in which I lack the necessary skill.
My heart went out to my sister and her daughters with the events yesterday with Tom Petty. Numerous sources reported that he had died, based on the LAPD telling them so. As it turned out, he was declared brain dead and pulled off life support. Many people assume that once they pull the plug, life ends. However he lasted a few more hours and died last night. The erroneous report upset his family and many fans as reporting of someone’s medical condition or death without their or their family’s permission is always wrong.
I felt bad for my sister as her husband had a cardiac arrest and doctors were able to maintain life for a few days until her daughters could arrive to say goodbye. Privately I told everyone that his chances for survival were small. But without being a Doctor and not reviewing his case, my opinion is worthless. I guess what I learned is to keep those thoughts private unless someone asks for your opinion. Then stress that it is only an opinion.
We really jump to opinions without facts too often, don’t we?
My late husband died in .minutes after being removed from life support. But we were warned it could be hours or even a day. I am glad he went fast.
The pain is felt by survivors and family.
Why viewers still use to read news papers when in this technological world the whole thing is existing on web?
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